he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
