just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize