i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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