I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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