doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
