I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
