went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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