He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
pray to the hookup gods
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
