Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
