Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
