he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
