I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
