the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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