The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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