this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
