I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
