she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just forgot I was standing up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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