I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
