I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
