Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize