i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
