I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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