Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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