lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
