if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
