Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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