I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
