Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
MIDGETS
????
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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