My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
