he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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