God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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