M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
