Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
