i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
