You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
