I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
