I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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