He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How does it feel to date your dad?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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