I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
