Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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