I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
