I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
