I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
