i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
