youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
