You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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