were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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