Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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