my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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