physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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