Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
