he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
