I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
