I feel like abortions should bother me more
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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