he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
