I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
