You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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