I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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