But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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