I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
