Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
