Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
