Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
