The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
