yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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