you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
