Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
