How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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